Merkavah - Drive the Lord's SUV!

Slow day today, first real day of my reading week... blew a load of money on new books earlier today and now I'm just sitting about reading the news.

A few things I'd like to comment on:

US plans to shoot down satellite:
Let me get this straight... when the Chinese do it, the Americans yell and make a lot of noise. Then they turn around and do the same thing? Yeah, right, you have an excuse. Well, I'm sorry, this smells funny, and I'm not eating it.

Unofficial Tallies in City Understated Obama Vote:
An understated headline, by any measure. We're talking regions where tallies first showed zero votes for Obama in areas with a great deal of black representation.

Is Obama Using Sexist Language?
Preposterous claim. Frankly, I'm sick of people reading ridiculously far into things and making a fuss out of nothing.

Machines 'to match man by 2029':
What can I say? I mean, we've made predictions of the sort before and failed to reach them. But we've also made predictions that have, especially in the digital age, proved to be true. So.... AWESOME. So long as we're not talking a grey-goo scenario.

Kosovo gears up for independence:
Hoorah! They've gotten enough shit from the Serbs (and everyone else in their history). And... the EU is making me feel slightly more confident in its abilities...

Bush Calls Lawmakers 'Irresponsible'
Finally, the post-9/11 craze of increased security, at the expense of liberty... is slowly diminishing. That's wonderful. Again, hoorah.

Posted by Johann Kwan at 09:03 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Sometimes I wonder if it's any good to think about things that could've been A do-over. A save and load.

Okay, more than sometimes. I have a longstanding fantasy about starting my life over from birth knowing everything I know now. A fantasy... and frequent nightmares.

But we're not frequently offered the opportunity to actually go back in time. Sometimes, just sometimes, we get small chances to undo the mistakes and miseries of our past. And almost always, we jump at them.

Never quite works, really.

My first love was... for all intents and purposes... the most intense emotional sharing I'd ever have with a person. To extents, perhaps, well documented already on the blog. It's a subject of much of my thoughts. Shared dreams, thoughts thrown across a continent... it still seems like a fantasy to me now.

But it all came crashing down.

That's not why I'm writing this, however. The point is... there were times I tried to rekindle this old romance, knowing full well that the world had continued turning and our fates diverged. And it never felt right... I had hoped physical proximity would rekindle a slight flame, but there wasn't one.

I suppose what I'm getting at is... I don't know if we can quite revisit our mistakes and turn them back. Especially when it comes to other people. Seeing friends I've lost for some time, from several years spanning back to elementary school... with each of them, the spark is gone. The closeness of experience just.... dissipates.

And perhaps its more than that. Perhaps there is something underneath everything that connects us all, and the less we let our thoughts wander to someone, the weaker the bond. Maybe.

That's actually a really disconcerting thought. I know now that after University there will be the inevitable falling out with many of the people I've gotten to know here. And I know simply as a matter of example... even friends who stay in touch after all is said and done, as people speak less as they 'mature'... the bond disappears. They're little more than close acquaintances, social obligations... people you go to when your thirst for human contact overwhelms you, but not people you trust with your lives. Not people you can casually sit around the living room with 'shooting the shit'.

I'm not sure, if that is the life ahead, that I want to go on living. It's been a rich and exhilarating ride so far, and I don't want to get off.

But if offered a do-over...

I probably wouldn't take it.

Posted by Johann Kwan at 02:54 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

johannkwan.com - Dorothy should be glad to be out of Kansas says:
yeah I heard they opened one there
I never go to Yorkdale
I love Macs. They're so easy to use. If I weren't such a PC whore (as in, I build my own or customize them, and I play games I can't get on Mac...) I'd get one. And now that they can run Windows too... if I ever get a lappy it'll be a Mac
I wish Genius Bars actually served alcohol
meegwun. says:
yeeeah i decided it was time
hahahaha yessssss
then it would be even more fun
johannkwan.com - Dorothy should be glad to be out of Kansas says:
I would spend ALL my time in an Apple Store.
They're so clean, and white
and look so much cooler than any trendy yuppie bar
and you get to be surrounded by glistening technology!
meegwun. says:
good call. that's the next big thing
drinking and interfacing
not that i don't do that in my own home...
johannkwan.com - Dorothy should be glad to be out of Kansas says:
yeah!
Fuck social interaction in bars!
they're always creepy old guys anyway!
or creepy yuppies!
I want to iChat with the hot nerd sitting next to me!
at the Genius Bar!
and order my drinks through video conferencing!
meegwun. says:
hells yes
johannkwan.com - Dorothy should be glad to be out of Kansas says:
and then go home and sex up that hot nerd in a room of semi-translucent white plastic walls
and LCD screens
with trippy visualizations
and a computer that goes "Give it to her, Dave."
meegwun. says:
hahahahahahaha
oh man
that's a very special mental picture
which i will treasure always

Posted by Johann Kwan at 10:07 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Can't stop watching Across the Universe, or at least bits and pieces of it, since I saw the movie.

Mmmm soo good.

Posted by Johann Kwan at 06:54 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Polaroid closes shop. I don't really know how I feel about that one.

As much as we hate to admit it... film is dying. Shame.

Posted by Johann Kwan at 04:32 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Three in the morning and again, I can't sleep. I need to sleep... early start tomorrow, need to have lunch with the 'rents then spend a few hours at the library.

Seriously tempted to knock myself out with the last milligram of Ativan I've got... but I know with the coming midterm weeks ahead it might be my last resort when I'm stressed to hell.

Drug therapy, what a marvelous culture you've created.

I could be spending this time getting something productive done instead of reading and writing useless drivel. Ah well.

Thoughts constantly returning to friends who are gone. I miss them.

Or maybe it's just an egotistical reflection on my own mortality.

Still. Sucks.

Posted by Johann Kwan at 03:23 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Plenty secrets.

*sighs*

Posted by Johann Kwan at 11:18 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)