anopenletter
A girl I met at Minglewoods the other day tracked me down and had some questions. Generally about whether not I'd taken her virginity, veiled accusations of impropriety... an altogether unpleasant affair, when I was nothing but the very model of sainthood. Well, sainthood as applied to a philanderer, but sainthood nonetheless.
I wrote her a response that I will share now simply because I think it's good advice for anyone who hasn't yet learned self control, and hope that no one I'll actually pick up in the future reads it. =)
To maintain privacy and prevent potential public embarrassment to someone I think is probably otherwise a sweet girl, I shall not address the issue again, nor will I brook any questions on the subject. If you saw it happen or know about it, you would be wise to stick your nose someplace it belongs. I post this to inform, not to engender gossip.
I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't mildly displeased. Not only were her questions incredibly naive (and ridiculous), but to drape accusations of impropriety in a letter that included short placating quips, such as compliments on my work? As if I need some girl I met at a club to tell me I'm a good photographer while she's slipping insults behind them. God am I ever so easily stalkable, apparently.
Relax, you were at Minglewoods... these things happen. As to taking your virginity, I don't know how you'd expect or even think I could've done so in a crowded bar. Nor would I have, being that you were extremely intoxicated. We made out on the dance floor and danced, but that was it, besides the fact that you gave me a ridiculous hickie on my neck, forcing me to wear turtlenecks for the next while.I hate to point it out, but if you're upset at me then you're being extremely irrational. I've had plenty of people upset at me, and usually for very, very good reasons. This isn't one. I didn't take advantage of you whatsoever, and you might recall that you made the first move. All I wanted was one of your friend's cigarettes, and the "I was drunk" theory doesn't fly when you were far more sober when you made the first move. I left you with your friends after it was apparent that you were plastered, and I assume they took care of you. They are your friends, after all.
I should be the one offended. Despite being a socialite, I have never even come close to the implication that I had remotely taken advantage of someone. I bought you drinks... that's what people tend to do at clubs. The implication otherwise is extremely offensive to me, and an attack on my personality and reputation. I may be philanderous, but I do not, ever, take advantage of someone. Any rumours you hear to the contrary are fictions invented in large part by over-dramatic journalism students intent on manufacturing gossip. I don't begrudge you this time simply because you are, as they say, inexperienced, a first-year, and don't yet know your own limits.
I may venture to give you some advice, however. I have seen a lot of people come into University never before having drank, had sex, done drugs, and throw themselves into it with far too much abandon. While vices make us human, it is unwise to test the waters without moderation. Alcohol is an inhibition reducer, but as far as I could tell you were well within your limits in terms of self-control for a majority of the time. What I find with alcohol is that it brings your desires to the surface, things you would otherwise not act upon, you do. From your body language and the way you leapt (literally, several times) onto me I would posit that, if you are serious about maintaining your virginity, the seriously examine your inner urges, because it certainly seems as though part of you doesn't. And, I would suggest, you need to learn to drink without completely losing control of yourself.
It is very possible to maintain relative control while drinking. Dionysus may be a fickle god, and his devices may make you wish to lose your mind, but he only inflicts it upon people who do not acknowledge their own motives and don't approach their vices in moderation.
As to being embarrassed, don't be. I'm not one to judge people so harshly for being drunk or kissing me. If you're getting flak from your friends or anyone else for what happened, tell them to grow up. Welcome to University. Everyone who lived sheltered before goes through this same initial period of a lack of self-control. It happens all the time. You were fortunate that I am not the usual Minglewoods patron and didn't take advantage of you, and you're fortunate that I am in a relatively good mood today and do not take the veiled insinuation as to otherwise as an offense.
You'll catch on to the important lessons soon enough. None of it is really to be found in school.
Feel free to keep in touch, especially if you have any more questions.
Take care,
Johann
Really. I surprise myself sometimes. When am I ever this reasonable?