someonesavemylifetonight
Gonna drink till I drop tonight. But first, I'mma gonna listen to Wilco repeatedly.
current listening - Wilco - Impossible Germany
Love that track.
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Gonna drink till I drop tonight. But first, I'mma gonna listen to Wilco repeatedly.
current listening - Wilco - Impossible Germany
Love that track.
Despite my inhibitions, I gave moisture to the dead today. Two droplets down my cheeks, while the inner part of me lay shocked. Then I washed it away in the cool rain.
How does it feel... oh Bob Dylan.
Even a friend can break your heart.
I don't want to go into it. It's stupid, I don't even know why I had any glimmer of hope that things had changed, that history wouldn't repeat itself. Why I still love her. But I do.
Why am I listening to so much Dylan? I guess I got sick of Nirvana. I can't listen to Nirvana these days. At all, really.
I was writing something last night before I had to shut down and lost it. I'll recapture the gist.
I have no time for people who take everything as a personal offense. It's immature, it's stupid, and if I cared enough about you to insult you, you would bloody well fucking know it.
Fuck you, kiddo. Now that's an insult.
I've never liked people like that. There's no honesty in a relationship with such a person, so why have one? The people I hold close speak their mind and aren't afraid to confront someone about something.
I don't really give a fucking damn who you are. If you're going to be a stupid bigotted horse-blinding wearing jackass, I'm going to point it out to you in a manner that you're going to pay attention to. If you can't handle that, you should resign from the human race. Permanently.
Turning the tables on me and making me out to be a bigot won't work. In fact, it makes me feel worse about you. If you're going to be one for lambasting modern Japanese for the actions of their ancestors, and you can't accept an analogy that deals with your own people to show why your argument is stupid, then you're a dumb motherfucking bastard.
Because hey, my statement only holds as an insult so long as your remain a bigotted idiot. So deal with it, fuckface.
Yeah, I'm insulting you now. Cause I'm fucking pissed.
Fuck this.
Signing off,
Johann
Lyon has been surreal. I saw the Raincoats here, and not elsewhere, and they've been around nearly forever. Chicks on Speed that night was a pretty fantastic show too... they really knew how to rock up an audience, which is more than can be said for many bands.
It's been a little surreal, which is good. Keeps me sane when school is barking up my tree again, despite this meaning to be my break. I go through moments of extreme stress and moments of extreme destressing.
Nonetheless, I shall have to skip Italy (and perhaps Prague!) and make my way ASAP to Hamburg to get some administrative stuff done at Anna's... which is a much more net-stable environment (writing this in notepad, as well as other stuff, since I'm not online right now, hence the title). Which isn't bad, I get to see Anna for longer and perhaps get time to go to Berlin.
The Books are playing over the speakers right now. I love The Books. Mmmm mmmm delicious.
I'm staying with some awesome people that have helped me out quite a lot, so I made them curry today for lunch. Perhaps my best curry ever? I mixed the spices myself (instead of just using prepped powder) and market-fresh ingredients... it was awesome. I'm a little biased about the taste, but hey, I love cooking.
stress stress stress stress stress sad sad sad sad sad wine europe happy mellow sleep weird-dreams wakeup repeat
That's pretty much the daily process I'm going through right now. I need a hug. And kisses. And more wine. The fact that my lips right now are curry-yellow instead of wine-red is a welcome change.
Anyway, off for now to get more important stuff done, hopefully net comes back up soon and I'll post this.
Love,
Johann
Hello from beautiful Paris! The keyboards here suck, so I won't write much for now.
Anyone coming here, I highly suggest 3 Ducks Hostel. They have a bar, the people are good, and the party lasts all night.
Note to self: See an Opera in Paris sometime. Not now, but sometime. Whenever Die Zauberflote is on.
Met a ton of good people, seen some sights. Arc de Triomphe tonight... charging camera batteries for it.
I meant to say something important, but I forget. Having too good of a time to really remember things right now.
A ton of Canucks here, which is good. I love this hostel, it's rocking my nuts right now.
Everyone has Facebook. Ist sehr gut. =D
Haven't been able to get in touch with Luc.... oh well. hanging out with awesome people the last while, so whatevs. I'll see him whenever he gets back to O-town.
Two weeks in now. It's been good. Just the break I needed.
Love to all, photos will come sooner or later.
Mahna mahna.
P.S. Love Edith Piaf.
Before you read... a note written later on in the day: Most of what I've said here could've been the alcohol talking. =)
Had a proper bikeride round Leuven this morning. Just went as far as I could manage with my tired legs in one direction, turned around, and went the other way, looped round a few times and felt my way back to Shannon's. I have missed riding a bike... and being able to do so in such beautiful streets as the sun rises... mein gross gott.
I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I am not the terrible person that I have always felt myself to be. I am becoming more and more... what's the word... 'reticent'... perhaps, in my day to day forays and I am better for it. Life is... for the lack of a better word, good, and I would do nothing to change it.
The last few nights have been good. I have done my part to keep the world jumping, I've seen a crazy Belgian drum circle with cups, wine bottles, tables, and chairs, and participated to my heart's content. It's been a good reprieve from stressing about school, being sick, and feeling like the world is punishing me for my manifold sins.
Ca c'est la vie. It is a good world we live in. The birds are chirping, the sun is peeping out from the horizon, and I am in fucking EUROPE. Das ist sehr gut.
No sex yet, but I didn't feel it tonight. I wanted sleep, peaceful, dreams of fantasie und greatness, and I'm gonna get it, so hells yeah.
What can I say. Primeval urges can wait. A beautiful sunrise (though cloudy), a rickety bike, and stretches of European beauty cannot. Bells toll, people are stumbling home from the bars (in the morning!) and the world is in its right place.
Ca c'est bon, ca c'est magnifique. Vive la vie!
I have lived by a saying for many of my years. Coito ergo sum. Perhaps... just perhaps, I have found a bit of inner peace that negates it. Things are so beautiful here that it seems... well, not mundane, it would be magnifique, but not a priority. I live to dance, to enjoy myself, and to see man's glorious creations as they have stood for hundreds of years.
HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
Fuck Boston, fuck whatever historic towns North America has. Perhaps not here, but in other places I've been, ruins standing from Pax Romana still stand.
And it only gets better. It only gets better.
I should do my laundry tomorrow... I am running out of clothing fast. But then again, I haven't so much as gone near my dirty laundry (except to put it in my bag) since England, so hey. All my clothes smell of bars now, which, here in Belgium, there are many. Whatevs.
My feet hurt. I have been walking for over a week till the wee hours of the morning. It's a good sort of pain. Reminds me where I am and what I'm doing... and why life is in its right place.
Yeah, I feel this way sometimes in Canada too, but it's good to escape the place in which you live your daily life and be free.
This morning was good. Flying solo through the streets... just exploring, getting lost, finding my way back... Mmmm.
It's been a long road to health and satisfaction, but I think, finally, I have found a temporary, for all of a couple hours, peace. Peace with the world, peace with where my life is headed... and a peace with who I am and what my life is all about. More... and perhaps better peace, than even the best afterglow of any debaucherous activity can afford.
I am not the terrible person I once thought myself to be. I love my friends, my family, this world, with all its faults and idiocy... I care about a lot more than I supposed. And even if this realization only lasts until I wake later in the morning... I write this to remind myself that I am. No need to live by a ridiculous lifestyle I have kept up thinking it would keep me happy, no need to live by any boundaries.
I may not be the best specimen of mankind, but so what? I am intelligent to a fault, vain, as you can tell from that statement, but I love.
I love, therefore I am. Not simply love in the romantic sense, but love in the general all-persavive manner.
The fact that I truly do, and not just filter through the motions... it perserves my humanity and perserves my happiness. And right now, it's right out there. Bless it all.
Love to you all,
Johann
Humming Mahna Mahna to myself.... going to Brussels today to check it out.
Wearing a little hat/halo thing with paper cranes on it that we got last night from a peacenik fundraising-type party which rocked hard. My body is sore in so many places.
Mahna Mahna.
I may have to delay my trip to France due to scheduling conflicts with a friend... by about two days, so it's not a big deal. Just means a little less time in Lyons, and that's okay. Though I would like more time to see Janet, if someone's busy, they're busy.
Mahna Mahna.
So many so many people have dreadlocks here, it's awesome. And so many long-haired men. I feel kind of bad for cutting it back. Oh well.
Mahna Mahna.
Doo doooo do doot doot.
Not much to say I haven't already said in the last while, and my head hurts. I'm out.
*ring*
Mahna Mahna!
Went to a Cantus last night with the Theology Department here in Leuven, it was fantastic. Europe has been good to me so far.
Sure, I worry bout my deferral situation, but I'm trying not to think about it too much. What person would turn down my application and let me fail all of my courses cause I was sick? That would be rather unkind.
Went to a class on the Philosophy of Law. Wasn't particularly enlightening... I'm told other classes are far better, but I am not attending a morning class on my break, that would be insanity.
Belgium is a fantastic place, and I'll be sad to leave it. On the other hand, my camera and I shall be trekking to Paris and Lyons... and right now that's a good place to be. Political upheaval is always interesting, as a general rule. Maybe I shall find a paper in Canada that will want the photos, if I get some extra awesome ones.
I can't wait.
The fact that Sarkozy won isn't surprising... nor are the riots. But what did he expect? It's France! Taking a vacation after your victory on a yacht isn't exactly doing anything for his image, either.
We'll see how all of this pans out. Frankly, I will be glad to have my camera there. And I'm really bloody glad I didn't bring my new baby, cause... well... police and rioters + expensive equipment = bad fucking idea.
Time to hit the town after a shower. Love from Europe.
In Belgium now... lost my notebook in the Eurostar station in London, so I guess I shall keep an online journal instead.
So... what to talk about.
Due to my sickness, I don't know if I'm going to be able to pass my courses. Applying for deferral with the school for my assignments... but they may not accept it. I hope they do... they're all done, I just need to get them in.
England was good. It was good to recover from sick with my cousin, go out and see the sights. Spent most of it up North, then spent the weekend in London... saw Leah, had some fun.
How to save money in London: Don't pay the 10 pound cover at clubs and drink at private casinos. Membership is free and there are always people who've lost a lot of money who get complimentary drinks.. and those people are good people to meet.
Went to a restaurant called Papageno's near the Opera House. It was decked out like an Opera House, complete with insane garish colours and phalluses in paintings. Hedonism at its finest. Well... no orgy, but just as well.
Got a ton of photos on my old Minolta A200, didn't bring my new baby along in case I hurt it... hoping those will turn out well. Can't exactly tell with that thing, but we'll see. There's always the magic of Photoshop if they don't turn out just perfect.
Note to people staying in hostels... if you're having sex, please don't do it discretely, trying to hide it over the noise of other people's snoring. Doing that just means other people have to pretend to be asleep... and prevents them from just putting on headphones. If you do it loud and proud the rest of us don't have to try to be discrete as well, and we can just do what we need to get some sleep.
There's only one thing wrong with the English... and being a British citizen I probably shouldn't say this... but as a Canadian, it's nice to be able to say hi to people in the street and chat them up. In most places in England, trying to do that just nets you weird looks. Aloofness isn't cool.
Got a photoshoot with someone in Germany in a few weeks, that'll be much fun. It'll be nice to see her again.
What else is there to say right now... hmmm... well, Belgium is really pretty. Somehow it didn't rain at all when I was in England and it's raining here. But it's good, light rain, so I'm not complaining. Tis refreshing. Beers in Belgium are AMAZING. I don't think I'll be able to drink beer when I get back to Canada... probably return to the habit of scotch and... well... more scotch.
Trying to decide whether I will take summer courses this year... perhaps not. Maybe I'll try and line up a lot of photo contracts instead and make some money. I will probably need it after this trip. Hopefully I can get a display soon, probably find a running theme while I'm over here to shoot and do a neat little collection up for the Arts Space thing.
It's been a while since I've done any nudes, perhaps I shall see if anyone at hostels are interested. Not like they'll provide much lighting, but hey, hostel nudes across Europe? It would be one way to fill a gallery nicely.
I should log off and take a shower. I love Europe... it's so beautiful here. North America is far too young to have this sort of beauty.
Love all,
Johann