Merkavah - Drive the Lord's SUV!

When I was young, or younger, at the very least... I put my focus into things. Video games, even... I focused on every instant of it. Video games is the perfect proof of this... sadness.

You remember my aim when I was fourteen. It was razor perfect.

Nowadays I don't. I'll play a game and, unless aided by medication (... alcohol, for instance) I can't avoid a single tree in that old Windows Entertainment Package game, Skifree.

And I can do it, I can definately do it, but not without being in a focused state brought about by intoxicants. And it's really upsetting, in a way, because I know it's probably the same in everything else I do... I just had more focus, more ability to cope with short passages of time.

Maybe I've seen too much time and it's just flitting by now.

Hmm.

I miss being young. I can't believe I'm only twenty and I'm feeling as old as I do. I don't play intense video games anymore because I just can't be focused on every single moment.

I don't listen to every note in a song with as much attention to detail anymore.

I have this mathematical theory on why this is, actually. Mind my rambling, but I'm just trying to get thoughts out of me and in writing...

While you're young, a few seconds is a far longer time with respect to your experience in the world compared to when you're old. For example... for a ten year old, a year is a whole 10% of their life. For a twenty year-old, you're looking at 5% of your life. 10% simply is a larger piece of the pie. So a year lasts a lot longer, and more attention is paid to details.

As you grow older it's just not as much of your life, and you just can't worry about that and add it to stores of memories already in your head.

Anyway, I shouldn't bother you any more with my sullenness.

Ciao sis, I hope you don't mind me unloading like that, do write me soon.