thisismyconfession
I've never been to confession. Not being Catholic, this should be no surprise. I wish, though, I had the ability to. I have far too many things plaguing my mind.
I've been avoiding talking about them here, but I may as well bare them all now. I cannot sleep, for my worries have been killing me slowly, and I just can't take it anymore.
One missed essay could be the cause of my failure to make it past even the first year of University. One essay. That's disappointing.
And to think it's all because I just felt so fucking awkward after being in San Diego. My topsy-turvy emotions will be the end of me yet.
What can I do? I can't do jack-all but sit here and worry. Not a damn thing. I wish I could, but I can't. It's well beyond the point for action.
The sad thing is the essay's DONE. It was just done during exam week, when I finally got my emotions under my reins again.
Fuck.
On top of that I've been wanting to say something to ____ now that I'm back. I hear she's gone elsewhere in T.O... but I still have her e-mail. But every time I write her I end up deleting it all.
What am I supposed to say? I'm sorry I screwed up a major part of your life? I'm sorry for being such a dick? Tell her that after we broke up I drank my face off and generally acted like a fool?
Tell her that I still think about her? That I've wanted to set things right for a long time?
Being home reminds me of all this stupid shit. All this crap that's happened since ... everything. All the pain, all the bullshit, all the lies, all the shitty people I used to know.
As much as I hate tobacco I really could use a smoke right now. I need some measure of calm.
Time flies. Nothing like being depressed and watching the minute hand of a clock move slowly as it does across the face of a clock impresses that upon me more. One full circle and an hour's already gone.
How many hours do I have to wait until I know whether I need to go beat myself stupid for fucking up my first year of University?
Oh wait, but I already am stupid.