Merkavah - Drive the Lord's SUV!

The fire alarm likes to put everyone in shitty moods. I don't know that I'm in one. I don't seem to care about the little things anymore.

It's really ridiculous. I have spent over a decade trying to change the world. Over a decade of research, experimentation, love, and now...

Well, I stopped because I had to keep finding out who I really was, and what I really wanted.

I saw God once. I don't know if it was a dream anymore... but even if it was, I have learned to trust my dreams. It happens so that falling unconscious in a bathtub and having a dream ranks among one of the forms of dreaming I have learned best to trust.

I don't know much about anything, I've discovered. I don't know what God it is that I saw, whether to believe, why he would come to me and tell me the things he did. I don't know why I reacted in fear and told him that he was a jerk.

Then, I didn't know half the things I knew now.

That's why I came into Humanities. To make sense of how people have tried, and succeeded, I suppose, to find God.

Because I want to find him again. And this time I want to listen to what he has to say.

I don't know if I'm ready, or if I want to hear his answers. Or whether I have any questions. I just want to listen. I fear his answers, but nonetheless I want to hear them.

I can't change the world without knowing myself.

Look forward to a story sooner or later. I haven't written anything good since 'Watching Me Fall.' I've hopes for this one.

Cheers.