Merkavah - Drive the Lord's SUV!

Sleep is irrelevant. I feel like a king.

Stayed up all of last night, another night of awesome. Started with a discussion about life philosophies with Janet, an impromptu emo-club, really... and then an interlude of fun and entertainment with Dave... and then back to life philosophies with Janet, until she dozed off in a lull of conversation just minutes ago.

I really like Dave... he's a good guy. He's funny, and always good for a laugh. Nothing about that can really be disliked, I suppose.

Been focusing my thoughts as of late and thinking my way through texts and life in general. It's all so beautiful, really... I went out to see the sunrise with Janet and Dave this morning, and I don't think I've ever in my life felt better than I have in the last few days (weeks?). They've just been... great.

I don't regret signing up for Humanities... it is quite possibly the best thing I have ever done for myself. I came to learn about myself and to perhaps start off a road to a better state of being...

I've been here the better part of the year... barely a quarter of the Humanities program has passed for me. Maybe I don't get all my work done... maybe I spend more time navel-gazing than anything else... and I certainly haven't reached an enlightenment... but that is not to say that I haven't learned anything. On the contrary... I think I have learned far more than I ever expected to learn.

In reflection, I suppose the most important idea in everything I've learned could easily be said by Yoda's beautiful green puppet visage.

"Do, or do not. There is no try."

What is it about the human brain that immediately dismisses "do not"? The message is simple. Nothing is accomplished trying... you must do, or you do not do. To try is to think about it constantly, to have it worry your mind...

The part that takes positive action is instantly grasped by Luke Skywalker. What about "do not"?

It's inherent in many great philosophies to "not to do". It's a beautiful thing, because I can tell you now that it simply works, when the occasion permits it. The only reason that it may sometime fail is that social concerns do not allow for it.

To simply not do something and let nature run its course is beautiful. To not concern your mind with the thing you have not done... is to not realize you have not done something in the first place.

This week has brought plenty good for me. It is not enough, of course, to simply "not do"... though there may be a way around social constructs, I have simply not discovered it. However, to decide between doing and not doing is simple nature, so long as you are not trying.

I certainly tried on some things, because I thought what I was already doing (by allowing myself to do, and not do, as I so chose) was either not enough or not right. And those are perhaps the only times that I have screwed up, in retrospect. Not because they were the wrong things in the first place... but because I put the time into thinking too much about something that could easily have been dictated by nature.

By simply continuing to not do some things, they would, while at appearances, not have worked out, I would not have concerned over them... and simply there would have been another course of action I would have been able to take. And by continuing to do some things, I would've accomplished them rather than doubting myself, my capabilities, and my intuition.

A simple example of this (while not the best, I tired and I'm running with the first thing that comes to mind... I will re-write this into a Star Wars related example when I'm less tired out) would be a set of questions on an exam, even if I think I'm going to fail. If I simply do them, they are complete, pass or fail. If I 'try' to do them, because I think I'm going to fail, I only let fear override me, and I'm screwed, taking up time from the rest of the exam.

On the other hand... if I simply do not do them, that is... do something else... there is no remorse for the questions I were bound to fail, and my grades would have been further allocated elsewhere in the exam, balancing everything all out. If I 'try' not to do them... then I am taking the time and wasting it, rather than just passing over them.

It's a difficult concept to explain, but I've done my best. And I'll be damned if I've got it all right... but it's somewhere. And damn, I've had a hell of a week. Nothing has gone wrong, except when I've doubted myself like a fool. Now I'm going to shower and perhaps get an hour of shut-eye before I head back out to go out with Tim (or maybe not).

Addendum: Hey... everyone's gotta try an extended spell of celibacy for a while. Even if you love sex... not worrying about fucking the brains out of anyone frees up so much time to pursue other things that are actually so much more productive. And like everything... just do it. Thinking about it too much just makes you miss sex. Trust me. Though I'll be glad to be off of this vow this summer... it's taught me a lot. And give it a chance, I can only say this now after almost a year of it... and while I did miss sex sometimes, I have learned to appreciate so much more.

By the way, this is for someone out there I've been trying to talk to for some time... trying, like an idiot, of course. So I hope you know who you are... but just do it. Tell them how you feel, dammit. And don't just try. Go with it, and run with it. Do it, or forget it. Don't be a fool.

"Hey Jude, you'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder"